The Labels You Wear
I think it’s nearly impossible to make it through life without picking up a label or two. If someone else isn’t slapping a label on you, you are doing it to yourself.
Me? I’ve worn many, many labels. The smart one. The shy kid. The introvert. The missionary. The nurse. The anxious girl. The wife. And the list could go on.
Overtime, the labels you collect stick more and more, kind of like the barcodes they use at some stores. They become harder and harder to remove, and often end up becoming your identity and the way you define yourself. It’s important to take inventory of those labels, and then, leave your labels at the door.
Leave Your Labels at the Door
Before you come for me, I know there are some you don’t want to remove. I definitely don’t want to give up my “wife” label, and in this season, I am loving being a “school nurse”. I value those titles, but those aren’t necessarily the only things I want to be remembered for. Those labels aren’t what I want to solely define me. So, I am taking off my labels, scrubbing with some elbow grease to remove them if I have to. I am leaving my labels at the door. And, what better time to do this than at the end of a year?!
You can’t remove your labels and then just keep going, or by the second week of January you will be tempted to pick those labels right back up. So what do you do with those labels? How do you leave your labels behind? There are a couple steps that I will walk you through, so keep reading!
Note: if all the steps don’t all apply to you or seem too daunting, start with just one (I would recommend starting with numbers 1 or 2). Don’t worry about completing it all in one sitting, and if there is a question or two that is too hard right now, that’s ok! Soul work is not one size fits all!
1. Take inventory of the labels that you wear.
When you decide to leave your labels behind, the first thing you need to do is take an inventory. In many a counseling session, I’ve been told that awareness is the first step to making a change. If you don’t know something exists or don’t notice something, how can you do anything about it? This step is not easy, but it is important! Carve out some time and just sit, maybe with a journal or an open notes app in hand, and think about the labels you are currently wearing. What you think about yourself can be a good place to start. You also need to consider what other people say about you, especially the things that have been said that you have been holding onto. I would encourage you to write them down, so you can use them as a starting point or as a way to see growth later on.
2. What do you want to define you?
You also have to ask yourself, “What do I want to define me? When someone mentions me, what do I want them to say?” Personally, I want someone to know me by who I am as a person, not just what I do. I want them to talk about my caring heart or the way I can empathize with people or my wit. The stuff that truly makes me who I am. If I am going to wear a label, I want it to be something like that!
3. Can you re-frame any of the negative labels?
This step is where writing down all the labels you’re wearing comes in handy. This step can take time, and even more sitting and considering, so take it slow if you have to. It might be helpful to just do one or two labels at a time. This step can be hard, especially if certain labels have been framed a specific way in our minds for a long time.
Story time! For much of my life prior to 2017, I truly hated my quiet, introverted disposition. I saw it as a hindrance, and I thought it was so unfair that other people were naturally outgoing and bubbly. Over time, I basically began to put outgoing people or people with big personalities on a pedestal.
It wasn’t until I went on the World Race that God began to open my eyes to a new reality. He used teammates and experiences to show me that there is so much good and beauty in being quiet and an introvert. He showed me purpose in so many of the reasons I despised my personality. Those labels I had negatively placed on myself began to be re-framed in truth. I no longer felt hindered by needing alone time or choosing to sit on the sidelines at times, but instead saw that those things can be positive and actually make me more approachable to some people. (Read more of that story here.)
4. Or do they just need to go for good?
Sometimes you just need to leave your label(s) at the door for good. Whether it’s untrue, negative, or just not serving you anymore, this is the time to let it go. There is enough hurt and negativity in this world without you supergluing it to yourself and carrying it around. For me, the label I had to let go of was “anxious”. Yes, I experience anxiety, but it is not the only or even the most exciting part of who I am. It isn’t worthy of being on a label!
5. Keep moving forward.
To continue moving forward instead of falling back into the label rut, I encourage you to do a personal inventory using the above steps. This can happen as often as you need it to. I would recommend working through these steps at least once a year, because labels have a tendency to build up over time if you let them. If this is a new practice for you, you may find it helpful to go through the questions more often than that, but there’s absolutely no pressure! This is about you and your life, not anyone else’s!
Take the Time to Do It
Labels can be complicated things. Sometimes you automatically acquire a label, such as when you get a new job or get married or have a baby. But, the labels you really have to watch for are the ones that sneak up on you. These are the messages you tell yourself over and over, or ones that someone else tells you. Maybe it is only every so often at first, but over time you hear them more and more until they become your identity.
Since it is almost the start of a new year, this is the perfect opportunity for you to leave your labels at the door. I find this is a great time for all types of reflection, including self-reflection. But, the great thing about life is that every day is a new beginning, which means you can take time to reflect any of the other days too! The important thing is not when, but just that you take the time to actually do it!
