In honor of Women’s History Month, I felt like it was necessary to talk about a problem that plagues the female population. (If you are a man, don’t stop reading! This problem is also relevant to you, too.) Something I have faced since I was a child, heard first hand from others in my life, and seen mentioned in society is comparison. I like to refer to it as the comparison trap. It’s the classic “I want what she’s got” mentality. Comparing ourselves is not a new problem, but one that started with the creation of humankind. 

The Comparison Trap

Since the beginning of time, humans have compared themselves to other people, both those they know and those they don’t know, as well as ideals that society deems as best. I have personally compared my personality, my grades, my looks, my job, my marriage, my pregnancy…and more. Stop reading for a second and ask yourself, “what areas have I compared myself to other people?”

I call it the comparison trap, because it is just that. Let’s think of a mousetrap. It is designed to entice a mouse. At first, all they see is the bright, yellow cheese. It looks harmless. But, by taking the cheese, they are ensnared by the trap. I think this is kind of how comparison works. 

In the beginning, the thoughts seem harmless. Being outgoing is not a bad thing. What’s wrong with wanting to get a higher grade? I just want to lose the extra baby weight. I’m just trying to be a good spouse. In retrospect, those things aren’t bad. It’s the motivation behind them or the spiral that continues from them that you have to be aware of. Otherwise, instead of just eating the cheese, you get stuck in the trap. 

Consider these two questions: Where do you find your worth? Who makes the rules for your life?

Where do you find your worth?

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27)

”I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139: 14)

“Trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.” (Marilyn Monroe)

”Your self-worth is determined by you. You don’t have to depend on someone to tell you who you are.” (Beyoncé)

While both questions are important, I think this one is slightly more important than the other. In order to stand on solid ground and prevent falling into the comparison trap, you have to know where your worth comes from. Take a moment and think, “where do I find my worth?”.  Are you finding it in who you are as a person, in who God created you to be? Or, are you finding your worth in things the world says are important, in expectations and pressures other people are placing on you? The first leads to greater confidence and a strong foundation. The second leads to carrying around labels and constantly comparing yourself to others. 

Related Posts: “Leave Your Labels at the Door”; “A Strong Foundation”

If you know any of my story, you know that for so long I did not find my worth in who God says that I am or the unique qualities He gave me. I wanted to be more outgoing, always make the best grades, be prettier, be less emotional, etc. Basically, in every area I was using to measure my worth, I was either not enough or too much. But, that’s because all of those things were what someone else or society said were best…or at least that’s what I thought. My life was one comparison after the other, and my self-worth was shot! It wasn’t until I began trying to embrace the person I was, the person God created me to be, that those thoughts slowed and my self-worth began to grow. Read part of that story here.

Who makes the rules for your life?

“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of God?” (Galatians 1:10)

”You shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.” (Exodus 2:17)

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” (Eleanor Roosevelt)

“Always be a first rate version of yourself and not a second rate version of someone else.” (Judy Garland)

Now that you know (or are at least starting to know) where your worth comes from, you can answer the next question, “Who makes the rules for your life?”. The answer to this is basically either you do or someone else does. If you are a Christian, then you want God to make the rules you live by, but that is still you choosing to allow Him to be in control. It is still your morals and values in charge. But, if you aren’t making the rules, then someone else is. It could be a parent, a spouse, a friend, a celebrity, a co-worker, or just an overall ideal of the world. You are giving him/her/them/it that power, whether it’s a conscious decision or not. 

If you are comparing yourself to someone else, then you are living a life by someone else’s rule book. And, you most likely feel like you’re losing at the game of life…because those rules were not intended for you!

YOu’re Not stuck for good

The good thing about the comparison trap, is unlike a mouse in a mousetrap, you can get out of it. It’s a difficult process that has to be done many times, but it is possible! The comparison trap can never ensnare you for good if you don’t let it. Answer the questions above to determine if you are in the trap and to help you get yourself out.

When the process of dragging yourself from the comparison trap gets hard and you want to give up, remember this quote from one of the songs in The Greatest Showman.

“I am brave, I am bruised, I am who I’m meant to be. This is me.”