The Lord has been teaching me about rest and stillness for a long time, bringing it to my attention before I even realized that’s what He was trying to teach me. The first time I remember Him sharing a verse with me that talked about being still and letting Him work was a few weeks after I returned from the World Race. (If you don’t remember, that was in June 2018. Wow!!!)

He gave me Exodus 14:13-14 as a promise. This verse says, “And Moses said to the people, ‘Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent’ (emphasis mine).” Other versions say “you must be quiet” and “you need only to be still”. At the time, the promise He gave me was that He would continue healing me from my anxiety and depression; since that day I have learned just how much rest and my mental health are related.

Be Still

The Lord next spoke to me about rest during my time living in Georgia before I started C.G.A., a discipleship and leadership program. I ordered a necklace from Keys for the Journey, a business that sells keys inscribed with words or Bible verse references. (Check out their website.) The buyer can either choose the word or he can let the maker ask the Lord for a word. I chose the second option. When I received my key in the mail, it read “Psalm 46:10”. This verse says, “Be still (emphasis mine), and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”

This verse was not new to me; in fact, I had heard it many, many times in the past. But that day, it hit me differently. The aspect of being still, or stopping my fighting as it says in another version, struck a chord with me. As a control freak and a perfectionist, slowing down at all can be very difficult. But being completely still??? That was a hard thing to comprehend, and it was honestly a pretty foreign concept for me.

The Right Choice

Fast forward to a random weekend right after I had started C.G.A., the program I mentioned above, sometime around January 2019. I felt called to have a day of fasting from all food and drink (except water and juice). It was towards the end of that day that God showed me how much like Martha I am.

Martha is a woman in the Bible, and she is a do-er. One day when Jesus visited her and her sister Mary, Martha spent her time in the kitchen cooking, while Mary spent her time sitting at the feet of Jesus and learning from Him. Martha got mad that her sister wasn’t helping her, and I admit if it was me in that situation I would have probably reacted the same exact way. OK, there’s no probably about it; I would have been mad too! But Jesus replied, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has made the right choice, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41-42). The right choice? Ouch, Jesus!

It was then that I really looked back at the day and realized I had been trying to do things all day, things I thought I needed to do while I was fasting. Yet I felt like the fast had been pointless because I hadn’t really had any big realizations or God-moments. What Jesus actually wanted from me that day (and so many other days) was for me to sit at his feet and learn. He wanted me to rest. And I realized I had little to no clue how to actually do that.

The Right Way to Rest

I am sure the Lord taught me more about rest after that time, but the next that really stuck out to me was in July or August 2020. My counselor and I were talking about self-care and rest to prevent burnout at my job. In June, I started a new job at a group home for teenage girls in the foster system. It’s called Gigi’s House; I encourage you to read more about it on their website. It is a very emotionally and mentally draining environment as I am faced with these girls’ trauma responses 12+ hours a day, 3 days a week. That doesn’t include the times I think about it after work or on my off days. It can be rewarding but is also a very frustrating job.

I told my counselor that resting felt very unproductive to me. There were times I didn’t even feel rested after a day of “resting”. We proceeded to talk about finding the right type of rest or self-care, whether physical, mental, emotional, etc. That conversation brought back the inner Mary vs. Martha battle I talked about in the previous section. I felt similar feelings of being tugged both ways and trying to process where the blocks were in my own life that were preventing me from truly resting. 

A Challenge

Since that day, I have thought about or been reminded of rest a lot. It’s not a secret or new idea to me that spending daily time with the Lord is important, and when I don’t I start to feel unsettled and chaotic inside. I know it makes my anxiety and depression worse (remember I mentioned that in the very first paragraph?). And now, with my new job, I knew if I didn’t spend time with the Lord I would send myself into a tailspin because I would be running on empty. If I didn’t rest, filling myself up, I would have nothing to pour out for the girls or my friends or my family or myself. This had come up over and over again…yet it was still such a challenge for me. 

Then, in August, I went to South Carolina to visit my family and we saw the purple martins returning to their nests on Bomb Island. And boy did the Lord begin speaking to me!

To be continued…

Read the next part: Rest Well to Live Well